So here we are at THIRTY FOUR WEEKS ! ahhh. Can't believe it. Not much new to say. I haven't had any more braxton hicks contractions lately. That's a plus. We had our second baby shower Friday. Kaylee has gotten soooo SOOOOOO many clothes. I really have no idea what i'm going to do with all of them. I don't want to exchange them because they are all so beautiful. But there are so many of them i don't see her being able to wear them all at one point or another. Either way, crazy me has already taken all the tags off, washed them, and now i've got TONS of them to put away, lol. I look at it like this...my best friend is having a girl right around the same time as me. My aunt is having a girl in June. A friend is having triplets (YAY), and my cousin is having a baby. Not to mention about 20 other people i know who are prego. So if any of them want any of the clothes that i'm sure won't even be worn, i'll be more than willing to give them some! lol.

I'm definately going through the whole nesting phase now. I've scrubbed toilets, sinks, mirrors, and washed clothes and clothes and more clothes, AND cooked dinner and cleaned up the mess today. And if i have the energy after i rest a few more minutes, i'm going to put up the rest of the clothes. LOL. i LOVE it!

Keeping quite a few people on my prayer list! Love you guys!

Kaylee, MOMMY CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET HERE!!! <3

Welcome Mr. Hicks

Wow. Welcome to my life Mr. Braxton Hicks. I really don't like you. Especially since you aren't getting Kaylee here any faster. UGH!!

Today was my first real day experiencing REAL braxton hicks contractions. Well. I THINK they are BH. I'm still having them on and off, so who knows they could be the real thing (i don't feel like it though, lol). But i must say, they are much different than the real LABOR pains i had when we lost Rylee. It really freaked me out at first, but then i learned how to breathe through them lol. Quite the experience.

It's getting close. I'm really excited. Only 6weeks and 2 days left. 44 days!! AHHHH. I'm so excited. I can't wait. I want to see what Kaylee is going to look like. I want to hold her, kiss her, hug her. I can't wait. I CAN'T WAIT!! I guess i need to pack my hospital bag, since i haven't done it yet.

Can't wait to meet you Miss Kaylee!!! <3

Whoa.

Sooo it's early. 5:20am. Usually by this time, i'm at work, or on the way to work depending on what time i have to be there. BUT i'm off today (no work, nothing bad, thank God) And of course, when my hubby got up to go to work at 4AM, i couldn't go back to sleep. So i laid here worrying about him until he called to let me know he got to work okay. There's a lot of ice on the roads here this morning, and my mom rode with him. So i was worried about BOTH of them lol. But they made it. yay. BBBUUUTTT i still can't go back to sleep. So i got the laptop, my phone, and the remote, and here i am curled up in the middle of the bed, with Soxx (my spoiled kitty who thinks he's human)surfing the web. AND texting my brother, who is pulling his first night shift tonight/this morning LOL. Talk about multi-tasking at an early hour, huh? Anyways, the point of my post.

I have read a few blogs this morning that really hit home for me, and i think in the next few coming months, are going to be even more real for me. so maybe this is my way of prepping for what's to come. I think about Rylee a lot. We may not have been as far along as a lot of people i know who lost a baby, but it hurts regardless. I think about it pretty often. It's a tight spot too, because if he were still here, a few things would be different. For one, he would actually BE here now, not just inside my belly, but actually in my arms. He would be right around 3 months now. <3 So it hurts to have empty arms when it COULD have been such a happy time. BUT if it wasn't for my loss, i wouldn't have Kaylee on the way. And i'm soo overjoyed with Kaylee. She seems like such a happy, spunky lil personality.

I want Rylee. But I want Kaylee too. I don't know how i'm supposed to feel really.

If i'm happy for being a little over 8 months pregnant with Kaylee, then i feel like i'm just forgetting about Rylee.

But if i think about Rylee and wish things would have been different, i feel like i'm not showing enough appreciation for being blessed with Kaylee.

??? So where do i go from here. When i push it all to the back of my mind and don't think about it for a bit, when i do think about it, it's quite overwhelming.

I really just need to pray about it more. That's the only thing that can really get me through. Prayer and God, as well as words of encouragement from friends/loved ones. But other than here, no one seems to discuss it so openly. It's like people think that if they talk about it, it's pouring salt in an open wound. But i feel better when i talk about it, get it out. And no one in my life that i talk with daily can relate. I know quite a few people who have lost whom i see at least once or twice a week, but they NEVER bring it up. It's as if they don't bring it up, so it's not so real. But you can't push it away all the time. I'm sure it's there, just like with me. Prolonging the thoughts just make them all the more heartwrenching when you do face them.

*sigh* maybe i just need to go back to sleep. or lay back and enjoy Kaylee's rolls, nudges, kicks, and cute lil hiccups. :)

***Continuing to pray for everyone, whether you've lost and are TTC, or expecting your rainbow, or whatever the case***


"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18

Updates, Rants, Chatter, and all of the Above

First, let me get the worst part off my chest. I am so anxious for Kaylee to get here. I am SO ready. I am so tired of waiting. I am SOOOOOOOO tired of being scared something is going to happen, i'm going to wake up one day and she's not going to be moving. Or something is going to go wrong during labor. Or SIDS. OR...all of the others things that could go wrong. I want her here. But. I want her safe. And she seems safe where she is, so far! So i'm scared for her to get here. I'm scared that everything will go fine for awhile, then all of a sudden...______(fill in the blank with a worry that i'm sure we've all had/will have). *sigh* Maybe it's all just the anxiousness of it all. The fact that it's getting closer. and closer. Only 8 weeks. Actually only 55 days. IF she goes to her "due date". And that's a big I.F. Did you know only SIX PERCENT of women actually deliver ON their due date? I'm just so ....worried/anxious/excited/scared/impatient/INLOVEWITHKAYLEESOMUCHITHURTSTOTHINKOFBADTHINGS , that i don't know how to contain myself!! Maybe i need medicine for this?! lol.

So now that that's over, let's go through updates, since i can't seem to blog frequently enough to not write a book everytime i post, lol. It's been hectic since...Christmas? lol. We've gotten Kaylee's crib and dresser. Put it up :) Got her mattress and bedding....and put it together. I've washed ALL of her clothes already. Folded them, put them away, hung up what needs to be hung up. I'm ready. lol. If you would like to see pix of her crib, dresser, bedding, etc. Feel free to check out my facebook (Jesika Bussey) . We went to our 30 week ultrasound before the new year, and everything looked good. Blood pressure was good, baby movement was good, everything else good :) I had lost 1 pound (which i'd only gained 4 through the whole pregnancy, lol), which they weren't concerned about since i was overweight before getting pregnant anyways, lol. The dr (which wasn't my normal dr, he was on vac) said i was measuring "a little" larger for dates by my belly measurement, so at the 32 week appointment we got an ultrasound! (yay!!) So that was yesterday....ultrasound checked out well! Very well actually. Kaylee weighs about 3 lb 12 oz. Dummy me forgot to ask her length AND if she had a lot or a little hair, lol. I guess i was just too excited to see her pretty face. And man, i was soo excited when she actually COOPERATED and let us get tons of face shots! (they're also ALL on my facebook page lol). It was so great. So then i went to the doctors office, and they checked my weight, and i've lost almost 3 more pounds....which got me nervous, so then they checked my blood pressure and my top number was 134, which she said was just a tad bit high. SO while i'm waiting on the doctor i completely start freaking out worrying lol. I get so hot that my hubby had to go ask the nurse for a bottled water. AND BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE! never, and i do mean NEVER again will i send him to the nurses station asking for something for me because i'm a little hot, while pregnant. LOL. Like 5 nurses bombarded him with IS SHE OKAY IS SHE IN LABOR SHES NOT GONNA PASS OUT IS SHE..and then gave him a sprite and followed him back to my room. I just about peed myself laughing....after the fact of course. So i drank my sprite, calmed down, and then dr came in and everything was fine. I measure good now, she said she's not worried about the weight loss because the baby is growing, and my blood pressure she wasn't concerned with at all either. So yay! :) OOOO before i forget. Kaylee did the FUNNIEST thing while i was being measured! Hahah. I laid back on the ..table/bed/whatever, and the dr went to measure me and my husband went OMG LOOK AT YOUR STOMACH!! So i did, as well as put my hands on it (hello i'm laying flat on my back pregnant, can't exactly see much !! LOL) and Kaylee had shifted ALL the way to my right side. So my belly was SOOOO huge on the right, and almost flat on the left. It was so amazing :) She's done it before, but not to that extent, and my hubby hasn't seen it! LOL. The dr was laughing, and my mom and husband were in awe. It was great :)

So. I think that may be all. I know it's ALL baby stuff that i'm going on about, but that's pretty much what consumes me right now. There's a few other things, but i guess with the worry i have for Kaylee's safety, etc., that's my number one thought all the time. "BABY". Lol.

I would like to ask you all to pray for my husband's uncle (who is more like a father). He had a heart attack last week, and then had to have open heart surgery. He's still in the ICU, but everything is looking good. He's been through a lot, and he continues to have the most positive attitude i've EVER seen from anyone at his age, with his health, and it's all because of the Lord. He is a strong believer, and walks the walk daily. He is such an inspiration of hope for me. SO i'm asking everyone to pray for him, so that he can continue to spend some time on this Earth being a great father, husband, friend, witness, uncle, etc. I have a gut feeling that God's not through with him yet. He's got plans for him that we haven't seen yet. I'm so grateful for that, and my husband definately is :) And thanks in advance for your prayers!!



Kaylee and her chubby cheeks <3 <3

Christmas

Wow, it is so hard to believe that Christmas is here...again. It feels like just yesterday it was Christmas, and then shortly after i found out we were pregnant with Rylee. It definately doesn't seem like a year. Not to put a damper on anything, but i've been going through this pregnancy thing almost a year, and have yet to hold a healthy, live baby of our own. I know our situation could be a LOT worse, and i'm not complaining, being as how i'm blessed with my lil Kaylee now, it's just heartbreaking in a sense. To know that Rylee would be here now. And we'd be celebrating his first Christmas with us. Alive. Healthy. *sigh* Maybe it's just hormones. I'm really blessed, so i shouldn't have even brought it up.

On to other things. This Christmas is going to be an awesome one, mostly. We actually kept ourselves in line throughout the year, and we actually had money this Christmas to buy for those who we needed/wanted to. And we're going to spend the holidays with our family, being thankful for the reason for this holiday in the first place. I just have something on my heart, and i feel i could share it without regretting it on here. My husband and his brother are not exactly on speaking terms right now. Long LONG long story...but to make it short, his brother made a few bad choices and lied about some things and Terry is tired of being used and unappreciated. He didn't make the flat out decision to "stop talking" to his brother. His brother just went one way, and we're not supporting that life. SO here it is the holidays, and i'm sure his brother won't even think about Terry. But Terry thinks about his bro a lot. Tonight we gave Terry's mom a special gift...it was a collage of pix we've taken over the years. And even though Terry's upset with his bro right now, he didn't try to exclude him in the pix. There are quite a few with him in them. And when Susie opened it she started crying, and Terry did too. And then it was just an emotional thing, knowing that they care so much, and he probably hasn't thought twice about them. I just hope my husband can find enough strength to get through the holidays without it being so emotional and upsetting for him. I really wish his brother would just call him though. And tell him he loves him. And he doesn't want anything, except to tell him he was thinking about him and loved him. I pray that will happen. I pray that the whole purpose of this holiday can bring this family back together, like a REAL family, not what it had become in the last 6 to 8 months. I know God can do it....I just hope that's part of the plan. His plan. I pray that whatever His plan is, we can welcome it, and accept it with open arms :)

On a completely happy note, i can NOT wait to exchange gifts this year. We got quite a few people some awesome MEANINGFUL gifts, and i can't wait to see their expressions when they open them. I love giving someone something meaningful...something more important than money or clothes or something like that. I like things with sentimental value. Not that money or clothes can't be important, but....you guys know what i mean! lol.

AND...off the subject of Christmas....we're to the point where we start going to the dr every 2 weeks now! So exciting! Tomorrow i will be 29 weeks. Only 11 weeks to go. 77 days. And our lil baby will be here. Maybe sooner than that! wow. My family, as well as Terry's family has been talking about baby showers and such. It's just all so surreal. Wow. <3 I'm getting excited.

So, i've ranted / raved / jabbered enough. Just want you guys to keep a couple unspoken names in your prayers. Prayer can do a lot of things.

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. " ~ Phillipians 4:6

<3

Holiday Festivities

*ahhhh* it feels SOO good to relax. I have been running since Wednesday, and even though it has been an amazing Thanksgiving Holiday, i must say i am whooped! So let's recap all my activities. Wednesday we had to do inventory at work, and were there til about 8:00AM. Then we came home and took a shower, and headed to Terry's mom's house. We had decided to do Thanksgiving over there on Wednesday since she had to work Thursday and we always go to my Grandma's on Thanksgiving evening. So we hung out over there with her all day. Terry and I hopped on the four-wheelers (one was ours one was Susie's b/f) and rode for awhile, then Susie and i had to go to Walmart to get a few last minute things. Then when we got back Susie started cooking and i had to go pick up my neice Mariah and nephew Elisha from Bedford so they could come spend the holidays with us. After a GPS that got me lost (and i KNOW i took all the right roads) and having to stop and pee TWICE cause Kaylee was pushing her head down on my bladder, i finally got there. Then on the way back, i decided that i was going to pitch a fit with the dealership where i bought my car because it's in the shop UNDER WARRANTY and they said they didn't have a rental for me. Needless to say, i got me a rental car by the time i got back to FC, lol. It was a Ford Focus :( Which sucks when i'm used to my spacious, roomy, comfy, decked out Dodge Journey....BUT at least it's wheels. It gets me where i have to go, and i don't have to pay for it, heheh. So anyways i FINALLY make it back to Susie's, and we had a friggin AWESOME dinner. She made turkey, fried stuffing (which i must say, Kaylee LOVED), mashed potatoes and gravy, brown and serve rolls, greens, green beans, macaroni and cheese, 2 sweet potato pies, 2 pumpkin pies, and some kinda green salad with cottage cheese. I was so full. SO FULL. Then we came home and i slept like a baby. Thursday morning we got up and i had to go shopping to cook a few things for Grandma's. I made crockpot macaroni and cheese, my infamous 7 layer salad, and a pumpkin pie. And of course Terry's dad made a meatloaf (if we showed up at any of my family gettogethers and didn't have it we would have to leave lol). So then we went to my grandmas (and my mom and bro had to ride with us cause HER car messed up too ! How crazy) and ate like pigs again lol. Then we came home and ordered a movie and hung out with my bro Mikey, Elisha, and Mariah the rest of the night :) Friday we slept in instead of doing the whole door-buster black friday stuff. I was going to, but i don't want anything. i don't need anything. So we just waited til later around noon and headed to Valley View. (We had to take Elisha home cause he was sick....which i think he caught my cold, booo) Valley view was STILL packed @ 1. We went in a couple stores, but i got tired of dealing with all the rude people bumping into me and not saying excuse me, so instead of me going flip off on someone, we just left. BUT not before i got me a pizza pretzel from Aunt Annie's Pretzel Shop. I love them!! Then we went in Walmart on 220 and i had to get a new SD card for picture storage....and what do ya know, they were on sale for $5 when they were regular $20!! and it wasn't advertised!! I was so happy i went back and bought the other 2 they had left lol! TTHHEENN we came home and cooked some mashed potatoes and gravy to go with the turkey and fried stuffing Terry's dad had made while we were gone and we all had Thanksgiving dinner at our house...again. Lol. So after getting our bellies full, i ended up falling asleep on the couch around 9 lol and slept til 12 and then got in the bed, lol. So today, we got up around 7:30 had waffles and bacon for breakfast, then met up with Terry's mom's boyfriend Jimmy and headed to Floyd to the Christmas tree farm to find our perfect Christmas tree. And it was sooOSOSOSOOSOS friggin cold! OMG! It was 31 degrees and the wind was blowing sooo hard. I about froze. But we had so much fun. We got the best Christmas tree, and i bought some of the most awesome smelling potpourri! I love it. I get some every year. The wife of the guy who owns the farm makes it :) Soo after finally warming up, we had to come home, take Mariah all the way to Bedford, then go to Susie's to help her put up her tree that Jimmy got. Then we FINALLY came home, after going to walmart and buying some many UNNEEDED Christmas decorations, and put our tree up. Of course i can't decorate it til 2moro so the branches can settle, but i'm so exhausted i don't think i could do it tonite if i wanted to. Which i don't. So here i am, sitting on my tail, trying to play with my stubborn Kaylee. She kicks when i am the only one paying attention, but if anyone else puts their hands on my belly, she will NOT kick for nuthin! LOL, Terry's only felt her once, and that was like, 8 weeks ago! lol. Oh well i guess, soon enough she's going to be so big she can't help but let us feel her kick!

So i'm done rambling for now. I'm off to bed. <3>
Kaylee Paige *24wks6days

Prayers Requested!!

Wow. I have so much to say. SO much to say. and i'll probably forget something, but i'm going to try to quickly get down everything i have been wanting to blog.

First. I really need people to pray....for a couple different people/families. Starting with a friend of mine named T*. I'll go into a little detail. She was pregnant and lost the baby around 6 or 7 weeks. I'm not sure how long ago that was. Then she got prego again. She was due sometime in January, so she was like, 6 weeks further along than i am, which puts her at 28 or 29 weeks. Well during the whole pregnancy she has been severely sick. She has some sort of intestinal disease which causes her lots of problems. Probably about three weeks ago she was hospitalized, and stayed in the hospital for 10 days. She got out on a Friday, and 2 days later (last Sunday) she went back to the er with really bad pain. To sum it up, she had horrible infection and it had gotten really bad....and it .....(thinking of the correct words....).....made the baby pass away. And the dr. said if they would have waited she could have died too. I don't want to go into anymore detail, but please PLEASE pray for her. And her family. I am so upset for her. I know it's so bad to lose a baby, but she almost died too. I just can't imagine. Please pray. <3

Another family also needs our prayers. For those of you who don't know, i work at a window factory called Plygem. Our plant manager, Robert "Bob" Andrews, was killed in a head on collision Saturday morning. I'm really at a loss for words regarding this. You just have no idea when it's going to be your last breath, your last kiss, your last meal. It's just overwelming in a way. That could have been me. Or Terry. Or you. :( Bob was a good man, firm in his Christian beliefs, and i know God took care of him, but i.......just feel like i took him for granted. I seen this man everyday, he was there for us when we lost Rylee, and i never told him how much i appreciate him. *sigh* Please just pray for his family (his wife and 2 kids were with him, but they are okay, were released from the hospital yesterday).

On a little bit lighter note my aunt and one of my friends just found out they were expecting not too long ago. So also keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Lol i know, i have a long prayer list today :) Just shows that people need God ! :)

Sooooo about the baby. :) Kaylee seems to be getting bigger. I can feel her kicking and moving and twisting around! It's so exciting! i can't wait til we go back to the dr this Friday! We'll be 6 months! Guess we're on the downhill side of this, huh? :)

Well....i think i touched on everything. I'm sure i 4got something but it'll just have to be in the next post lol.